Jason
Alexander recently got some flak from his Twitter followers for
comments he made on Craig Ferguson’s show, specifically making comments
about how Cricket is “a bit gay”.

Here’s video of Alexander on the Ferguson show. If you want to just
see the part about Cricket start the video at 9:00. If you hang on with
the video until 12:21 Ferguson and Alexander have a Lady Gaga moment
together but chances are you’ll be pissed about the cricket part and
will want to push on to read about Alexander apologizing.

What is noteworthy about this situation is not that someone famous made a
joke that was homophobic but how they dealt with that situation. I feel
like what typically happens after someone famous does something
homophobic or racist or classist or sexist (etc. etc.) is either denial,
or the lamest possible apology (Romney).

What Alexander did instead was figure out why he wasn’t offended by
the joke he made but why other people might be, and then examined
whether their offense was legitimate. He talked to his gay friends and
came to the understanding that the joke he made, regardless of how
innocently intentioned, did harm and contributed to homophobia in
society and after coming to that understanding he eloquently apologized
for his actions. He essentially unpacked his invisible knapsack on the very public forum of twitter.

I am going to post his apology
below so you can appreciate how awesome it is. If everyone who got
called out for making gay jokes responded the way Alexander did, we’d be
making progress towards acceptance a-lot faster.

A message of amends.

Last week, I made an appearance on the Craig Ferguson show – a
wonderfully unstructured, truly spontaneous conversation show. No matter
what anecdotes I think will be discussed, I have yet to find that Craig
and I ever touch those subjects. Rather we head off onto one unplanned,
loony topic after another. It’s great fun trying to keep up with him
and I enjoy Craig immensely.

During the last appearance, we somehow wandered onto the topic of
offbeat sports and he suddenly mentioned something about soccer and
cricket. Now, I am not a stand-up comic. Stand up comics have volumes of
time-tested material for every and all occasions. I, unfortunately, do
not. However, I’ve done a far amount of public speaking and emceeing
over the years so I do have a scattered bit, here and there. 

Years ago, I was hosting comics in a touring show in Australia
and one of the bits I did was talking about their sports versus American
sports. I joked about how their rugby football made our football pale
by comparison because it is a brutal, no holds barred sport played
virtually without any pads, helmets or protection. And then I followed
that with a bit about how, by comparison, their other big sport of
cricket seemed so delicate and I used the phrase, “ a bit gay”. Well, it
was all a laugh in Australia where it was seen as a joke about how
little I understood cricket, which in fact is a very, very athletic
sport. The routine was received well but, seeing as their isn’t much
talk of cricket here in America, it hasn’t come up in years. 

Until last week. When Craig mentioned cricket I thought, “oh,
goody – I have a comic bit about cricket I can do. Won’t that be
entertaining?”. And so I did a chunk of this old routine and again
referred to cricket as kind of “gay” – talking about the all white
uniforms that never seem to get soiled; the break they take for tea time
with a formal tea cart rolled onto the field, etc. I also did an
exaggerated demonstration of the rather unusual way they pitch the
cricket ball which is very dance-like with a rather unusual and
exaggerated arm gesture. Again, the routine seemed to play very well and
I thought it had been a good appearance.

Shortly after that however, a few of my Twitter followers made me
aware that they were both gay and offended by the joke. And truthfully,
I could not understand why. I do know that humor always points to the
peccadillos or absurdities or glaring generalities of some kind of group
or another – short, fat, bald, blonde, ethnic, smart, dumb, rich, poor,
etc. It is hard to tell any kind of joke that couldn’t be seen as
offensive to someone. But I truly did not understand why a gay person
would be particularly offended by this routine.

However, troubled by the reaction of some, I asked a few of my
gay friends about it. And at first, even they couldn’t quite find the
offense in the bit. But as we explored it, we began to realize what was
implied under the humor. I was basing my use of the word “gay” on the
silly generalization that real men don’t do gentile, refined things and
that my portrayal of the cricket pitch was pointedly effeminate ,
thereby suggesting that effeminate and gay were synonymous. 

But what we really got down to is quite serious. It is not that
we can’t laugh at and with each other. It is not a question of
oversensitivity. The problem is that today, as I write this, young men
and women whose behaviors, choices or attitudes are not deemed “man
enough” or “normal” are being subjected to all kinds of abuse from
verbal to physical to societal. They are being demeaned and threatened
because they don’t fit the group’s idea of what a “real man” or a “real
woman” are supposed to look like, act like and feel like. 

For these people, my building a joke upon the premise I did added
to the pejorative stereotype that they are forced to deal with
everyday. It is at the very heart of this whole ugly world of bullying
that has been getting rightful and overdue attention in the media. And
with my well-intentioned comedy bit, I played right into those hurtful
assumptions and diminishments.

And the worst part is – I should know better. My daily life is
filled with gay men and women, both socially and professionally. I am
profoundly aware of the challenges these friends of mine face and I have
openly advocated on their behalf. Plus, in my own small way, I have
lived some of their experience. Growing up in the ‘70’s in a town that
revered it’s school sports and athletes, I was quite the outsider
listening to my musical theater albums, studying voice and dance and
spending all my free time on the stage. Many of the same taunts and
jeers and attitudes leveled at young gay men and women were thrown at me
and on occasion I too was met with violence or the threat of
violence. 

So one might think that all these years later I might be able to
intuit that my little cricket routine could make some person who has
already been made to feel alien and outcast feel even worse or add to
the conditions that create their alienation. But in this instance, I did
not make the connection. I didn’t get it. 

So, I would like to say – I now get it. And to the extent that
these jokes made anyone feel even more isolated or misunderstood or just
plain hurt – please know that was not my intention, at all or ever. I
hope we will someday live in a society where we are so accepting of each
other that we can all laugh at jokes like these and know that there is
no malice or diminishment intended.

But we are not there yet. 

So, I can only apologize and I do. In comedy, timing is
everything. And when a group of people are still fighting so hard for
understanding, acceptance, dignity and essential rights – the time for
some kinds of laughs has not yet come. I hope my realization brings some
comfort. 

Thanks,
Jason